We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
