I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
