dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
