she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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