Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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