saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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