so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
