I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
