I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
