So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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