My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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