and you said cock pushups were impossible
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
