Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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