My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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