Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
