U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
