Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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