I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
