i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
