He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
