Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dignity is for republicans.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Couch. On fire.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
