I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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