; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
thus making me awesome and them whores
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
