barbara walters just said penis...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
