I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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