okay pat passed out under dana's car
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
