Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize