i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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