I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
