I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize