and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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