You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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