we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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