So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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