If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
