You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize