I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
