the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
