He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
