I didn't shave. On purpose
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
