I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
