i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
