He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
