I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
