Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
