Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
