i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
