You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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