i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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