What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
