Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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