Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
