I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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