never play flip cup with pint glasses
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she told me i tasted like america
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
