Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
