Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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