I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
