Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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