my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
