Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
