Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm determined to sit on that face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
