My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Congratulations! We have a period
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