I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
