we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves