Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
