i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.