too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious