Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.