I'm going to jail i love you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...