i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.