What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize