I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
