Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
