hell yes lets make some ravioli
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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