Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
