Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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