im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
