I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
