You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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