So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize