I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
