Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
