Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
