Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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