apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
